【每日克蘇魯】洛夫克拉夫特《異鄉人》中英文對照

前言

本次打算給大家分享這篇1926年4月發表於《Weird Tales》的短篇《The Outsider》（譯爲異鄉人或局外人），由H·P洛夫克拉夫特在1921年創作。前天發佈的《達貢》其實整體來說較爲平庸，僅鑑於其微縮的克蘇魯基調才予以推薦，而這篇《異鄉人》中顯露出的思想和故事的敘述方式已經較爲成熟，具有了相對來說使文章不再空洞的主題。

（配合音樂食用更佳）

其中通過開頭對主角回憶的描寫不難看出，洛夫克拉夫特很大程度上將自己的童年賦予了主角。無論是陰暗的閣樓圖書館，還是那沉悶如同囚室般的古堡，都展示着畸形母愛和缺失的父愛對他童年乃至一生的重要影響（詳細介紹見之前的文章【洛夫克拉夫特：未知的恐懼】），而一直以來由於環境等因素導致的排外情緒也讓洛夫克拉夫特本人就如同一個主角那樣的“異鄉人”。

兄弟們，這麼好的四六級訓練機會可以好好把握一下，洛夫克拉夫特的長難句真是翻譯得我頭大。

正文

“That night the Baron dreamt of many a woe;

And all his warrior-guests, with shade and form，

Of witch, and demon, and large coffin-worm,

Were long be-nightmared.”——Keats.

那天夜裏，男爵夢見了許多不幸；

他那些英勇的賓客，伴隨着身形和影子的扭曲，

變成了女巫，惡魔以及棺材中的巨大蠕蟲，

真是場漫長的噩夢。——濟慈

（節選自英國浪漫主義詩人約翰·濟慈的長詩《聖艾格尼絲前夜》）

Unhappy is he to whom the memories of childhood bring only fear and sadness. Wretched is he who looks back upon lone hours in vast and dismal chambers with brown hangings and maddening rows of antique books, or upon awed watches in twilight groves of grotesque, gigantic, and vine-encumbered trees that silently wave twisted branches far aloft. Such a lot the gods gave to me—to me, the dazed, the disappointed; the barren, the broken. And yet I am strangely content, and cling desperately to those sere memories, when my mind momentarily threatens to reach beyond to the other.

如果一個人回想起童年，卻只能帶來恐懼和悲傷，那該有多麼的不幸。如果一個人記憶中都是自己在空曠陰沉的房間裏，被褐色的牆幔和一排排足以讓人抓狂的古書所包圍着的孤寂時光，亦或是在暮色中敬畏地注視着森林裏奇形怪狀的巨大樹木，看它們在高空中無聲地揮動那些扭曲的枝條，那該有多麼可悲。諸神對我是如此的慷慨——賜予了我迷茫、失望、荒蕪和破碎。然而每當思緒將要轉向其他方向時，我都會感到一種怪異的滿足，並拼命地牢牢握住那些即將消散的回憶。

I know not where I was born, save that the castle was infinitely old and infinitely horrible; full of dark passages and having high ceilings where the eye could find only cobwebs and shadows. The stones in the crumbling corridors seemed always hideously damp, and there was an accursed smell everywhere, as of the piled-up corpses of dead generations. It was never light, so that I used sometimes to light candles and gaze steadily at them for relief; nor was there any sun outdoors, since the terrible trees grew high above the topmost accessible tower. There was one black tower which reached above the trees into the unknown outer sky, but that was partly ruined and could not be ascended save by a well-nigh impossible climb up the sheer wall, stone by stone.

我不清楚自己在哪裏出生，只記得那座極其古老又恐怖的城堡；到處是陰暗的走廊和頭頂那僅能看到蜘蛛網和陰影的天花板。崩塌的走廊中，那些石塊潮溼得駭人，還有種受詛咒般的惡臭到處瀰漫，就如同已然入土的幾代人的屍骸被堆在了一起。光明從未造訪，因此我時常點着蠟燭，並直勾勾地盯着它們以求慰藉；室外也沒有任何陽光，這都是因爲那些令人生厭的樹木——哪怕是我能到達的最高塔樓，也匍匐在它們的籠罩之下。只有一座黑色的高塔，能夠越過那些巨樹，衝入那未知的外部天空，但它已經殘缺不全，並且除了沿着那垂直的峭壁攀爬一塊塊的石磚——這幾乎是不可能的——以外，沒有任何方法可以前往塔頂。

I must have lived years in this place, but I cannot measure the time. Beings must have cared for my needs, yet I cannot recall any person except myself; or anything alive but the noiseless rats and bats and spiders. I think that whoever nursed me must have been shockingly aged, since my first conception of a living person was that of something mockingly like myself, yet distorted, shrivelled, and decaying like the castle. To me there was nothing grotesque in the bones and skeletons that strowed some of the stone crypts deep down among the foundations. I fantastically associated these things with every-day events, and thought them more natural than the coloured pictures of living beings which I found in many of the mouldy books. From such books I learned all that I know. No teacher urged or guided me, and I do not recall hearing any human voice in all those years—not even my own; for although I had read of speech, I had never thought to try to speak aloud. My aspect was a matter equally unthought of, for there were no mirrors in the castle, and I merely regarded myself by instinct as akin to the youthful figures I saw drawn and painted in the books. I felt conscious of youth because I remembered so little.

我肯定是在這裏住了很多年，但我不確定到底有多久。也肯定有人一直在照料着我，但除了關於自己，我回想不起任何人或是惡鼠、蝙蝠和蜘蛛以外的生物。那些照料我的人一定走過了驚人的歲月，因爲哪怕是我對活人最早的概念，也是來自那些如這座城堡般扭曲、萎縮，並不斷腐爛的人形生物。對我而言，那些遍佈於地下墓室中的骷髏和骨頭沒有什麼好稀奇的。難以置信的是，我將這些事物和日常生活聯繫在一起，並覺得它們比我在發黴書籍中看到的那些豔麗鮮活的生命更加合理。就是從這些書籍中，我學到了自己所知的全部。從未獲得老師的敦促和指導，而我也不記得那些歲月裏聽到過任何人聲——包括我自己的；儘管讀到過關於發音的知識，但我從未想過試着去發出聲來。這城堡裏一面鏡子也沒有，因此我對自己的長相也毫無頭緒，僅僅是直覺讓我認爲，自己應該和書中那些年輕人一樣。僅存的微薄記憶使我感到年輕。

Outside, across the putrid moat and under the dark mute trees, I would often lie and dream for hours about what I read in the books; and would longingly picture myself amidst gay crowds in the sunny world beyond the endless forest. Once I tried to escape from the forest, but as I went farther from the castle the shade grew denser and the air more filled with brooding fear; so that I ran frantically back lest I lose my way in a labyrinth of nighted silence.

在城堡外面，穿過那臭氣熏天的護城河，在黑暗幽靜的樹木之下，我時常會躺在那，做着關於書籍內容的夢；並充滿期待地幻想着自己遠在這無盡森林之外的明媚世界，身處歡快的人羣中央。有一次我試着逃離這密林，但我越是遠離城堡，那陰影就越是密集，連空氣中森然的恐懼都愈發濃稠；駭得我瘋狂往回逃去，以免在這如夜般的寂靜迷宮中迷失方向。

So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day.

越過這無盡的暮色，我夢想着，等待着，即使我自己都不知道在等待着什麼。在陰暗的孤獨中，對光明的強烈渴望令我瘋狂到急不可耐，我對那唯一超越樹木穿入深空的黑色塔樓舉起了渴求的雙手。終於，我決定登上那座高塔，哪怕會跌的粉身碎骨；因爲對我來說，與其在這不見天日的黑暗中荒度餘生，不如親眼目睹天空之姿後煙消雲散。

In the dank twilight I climbed the worn and aged stone stairs till I reached the level where they ceased, and thereafter clung perilously to small footholds leading upward. Ghastly and terrible was that dead, stairless cylinder of rock; black, ruined, and deserted, and sinister with startled bats whose wings made no noise. But more ghastly and terrible still was the slowness of my progress; for climb as I might, the darkness overhead grew no thinner, and a new chill as of haunted and venerable mould assailed me. I shivered as I wondered why I did not reach the light, and would have looked down had I dared. I fancied that night had come suddenly upon me, and vainly groped with one free hand for a window embrasure, that I might peer out and above, and try to judge the height I had attained.

在陰冷的暮色中，我爬上古老破碎的石階直到盡頭，然後驚險地攀着一些勉強可供立足之處向上移動。這死氣沉沉的石質柱狀高塔如此陰森可怕；漆黑、破敗且荒涼，還有受驚的蝙蝠悄然掠過，散播着一股不詳之意。更加陰森可怕的是我緩慢的進展；因爲儘管我努力地攀爬着，頭頂那片陰霾並沒有變薄，而一股恐怖駭人的新的寒意侵襲了我。我想知道爲何還沒有看到光明，哆嗦着，也沒有向下望去的膽量。我幻想着夜晚突然降臨，而我正徒勞地摸索着能讓我爬上去的窗口，然後試着判斷自己已經攀升到了何種高度。

All at once, after an infinity of awesome, sightless crawling up that concave and desperate precipice, I felt my head touch a solid thing, and I knew I must have gained the roof, or at least some kind of floor. In the darkness I raised my free hand and tested the barrier, finding it stone and immovable. Then came a deadly circuit of the tower, clinging to whatever holds the slimy wall could give; till finally my testing hand found the barrier yielding, and I turned upward again, pushing the slab or door with my head as I used both hands in my fearful ascent. There was no light revealed above, and as my hands went higher I knew that my climb was for the nonce ended; since the slab was the trap-door of an aperture leading to a level stone surface of greater circumference than the lower tower, no doubt the floor of some lofty and capacious observation chamber. I crawled through carefully, and tried to prevent the heavy slab from falling back into place; but failed in the latter attempt. As I lay exhausted on the stone floor I heard the eerie echoes of its fall, but hoped when necessary to pry it open again.

突然之間，在那凹凸不平又令人絕望的峭壁上，歷經無盡的驚懼盲目攀爬後，我感覺自己的腦袋觸到了某個堅實的物體，於是我知道，我一定是到達了屋頂，或至少是某處的地板。在黑暗之中，我舉起空閒的那隻手推了推頭頂的屏障，那是堅硬的石質，且非常穩固。我絕望地攀着塔樓繞行，扣緊粘滑牆壁能夠提供的支撐；終於，我的手推動了某處門板，於是趕緊向上用力，用我的頭和雙手使勁推着活板門，驚險地升高。上面沒有光線透出，而隨着手的升高，我明白這段攀登已經宣告結束了；因爲穿過活板門，通向的是一片比下面塔樓面積更廣的石質地面，而這無疑是某個高大寬闊的瞭望室的地板。我小心地爬上去，並試圖阻止沉重的石板落回原位；但最後還是失敗了。我筋疲力盡地躺在地上，聽着石板砸落的聲音，我僥倖地企盼着當我需要時它還能打開。

Believing I was now at a prodigious height, far above the accursed branches of the wood, I dragged myself up from the floor and fumbled about for windows, that I might look for the first time upon the sky, and the moon and stars of which I had read. But on every hand I was disappointed; since all that I found were vast shelves of marble, bearing odious oblong boxes of disturbing size. More and more I reflected, and wondered what hoary secrets might abide in this high apartment so many aeons cut off from the castle below. Then unexpectedly my hands came upon a doorway, where hung a portal of stone, rough with strange chiselling. Trying it, I found it locked; but with a supreme burst of strength I overcame all obstacles and dragged it open inward. As I did so there came to me the purest ecstasy I have ever known; for shining tranquilly through an ornate grating of iron, and down a short stone passageway of steps that ascended from the newly found doorway, was the radiant full moon, which I had never before seen save in dreams and in vague visions I dared not call memories.

我相信自己已經到達了一個難以想象的高度，遠高於那些受詛咒的亂枝，我從地上掙扎起來，笨拙地摸索着，試圖找到窗戶，那樣我就能第一次望向天空，親眼看見曾在書中讀到過的月亮和星星了。但事實讓我感到失望；因爲周圍都是些巨大的大理石架子，上面擺放着大到令人討厭、不安的長方體盒子。我越想越多，並很想知道這處與下面城堡隔絕上千萬年的房間到底藏着什麼樣的古老祕密。出乎意料地，我的雙手突然摸在了一面石門上，觸感粗糙還帶有奇怪的鑿刻痕跡。嘗試過後我發現它上了鎖；但一股極強的力量迸發出來，使我能夠克服一切阻礙，將那石門向內拉開。這一刻，我渾身充滿了一種從未有過的、純粹的狂喜；只因我看見，面前那道華麗的鐵柵欄之外，一輪皎潔的圓月正掛在空中，靜靜地散發着光輝；月光灑在柵欄外面短短的石質臺階上；這是我只有在夢中和那些我不敢稱之爲記憶的模糊畫面中才能見到的景象。

Fancying now that I had attained the very pinnacle of the castle, I commenced to rush up the few steps beyond the door; but the sudden veiling of the moon by a cloud caused me to stumble, and I felt my way more slowly in the dark. It was still very dark when I reached the grating—which I tried carefully and found unlocked, but which I did not open for fear of falling from the amazing height to which I had climbed. Then the moon came out.

想到自己已經到達城堡的最高點，我便開始向着門外稀少的幾階臺階奔去；但突如其來的雲層遮住了月光，使我只能蹣跚而行，並覺得在黑暗中的行走時比之前更加緩慢了。當我到達柵欄時依舊是漆黑一片——出於對高空墜落的恐懼，我沒有打開它，儘管在小心翼翼地試探過後發現並沒有上鎖。這時，月亮出來了。

Most daemoniacal of all shocks is that of the abysmally unexpected and grotesquely unbelievable. Nothing I had before undergone could compare in terror with what I now saw; with the bizarre marvels that sight implied. The sight itself was as simple as it was stupefying, for it was merely this: instead of a dizzying prospect of treetops seen from a lofty eminence, there stretched around me on a level through the grating nothing less than the solid ground, decked and diversified by marble slabs and columns, and overshadowed by an ancient stone church, whose ruined spire gleamed spectrally in the moonlight.

那一切衝擊中最爲邪性的，是徹底的令人出乎意料和荒唐的難以置信。

任何事情都無法與我看着眼前怪異的景象所感受到的恐懼相比較。太平凡了，平凡到令人驚歎：我並沒有在高空中俯視那令人眼花繚亂的樹梢，擺在面前的就只是從柵欄門延伸出去的堅實水平地面，其上覆蓋着大理石板和石柱，一座古老的石質教堂坐落其上，破損的尖頂在月光下閃閃發光。

Half unconscious, I opened the grating and staggered out upon the white gravel path that stretched away in two directions. My mind, stunned and chaotic as it was, still held the frantic craving for light; and not even the fantastic wonder which had happened could stay my course. I neither knew nor cared whether my experience was insanity, dreaming, or magic; but was determined to gaze on brilliance and gaiety at any cost. I knew not who I was or what I was, or what my surroundings might be; though as I continued to stumble along I became conscious of a kind of fearsome latent memory that made my progress not wholly fortuitous. I passed under an arch out of that region of slabs and columns, and wandered through the open country; sometimes following the visible road, but sometimes leaving it curiously to tread across meadows where only occasional ruins bespoke the ancient presence of a forgotten road. Once I swam across a swift river where crumbling, mossy masonry told of a bridge long vanished.

幾乎是無意識的狀態下，我打開了柵欄門，並跌跌撞撞地踏上那條朝着兩個方向延伸而出的白石小道。我的思維愕然且混亂，可仍發狂地渴求着光明；即使是剛剛的怪誕奇觀也無法阻攔我。我記不清楚、也不在乎自己剛剛所經歷的到底是精神錯亂，夢魘還是魔法，只想不惜一切代價地去追尋那光彩和歡愉。我不知道自己曾經是什麼人，或是什麼生物，亦或是我周圍的環境曾經如何；但是當我繼續蹣跚而行之時，一種潛藏已久的可怕回憶讓我意識到，這一路的前行恐怕並非全是巧合。我穿過一座拱門，離開了那片遍佈石板和石柱之處，然後在一片開闊的區域上漫步；有時沿着清晰可見的小路行走，有時卻怪異地踏上草坪，時不時看到的廢墟證明着草地上曾經存在過的、已經被遺忘的道路。有次我甚至遊過了一條湍急的河流，岸邊苔蘚密佈的碎裂磚石描述着已經消亡許久的石橋。

Over two hours must have passed before I reached what seemed to be my goal, a venerable ivied castle in a thickly wooded park; maddeningly familiar, yet full of perplexing strangeness to me. I saw that the moat was filled in, and that some of the well-known towers were demolished; whilst new wings existed to confuse the beholder. But what I observed with chief interest and delight were the open windows—gorgeously ablaze with light and sending forth sound of the gayest revelry. Advancing to one of these I looked in and saw an oddly dressed company, indeed; making merry, and speaking brightly to one another. I had never, seemingly, heard human speech before; and could guess only vaguely what was said. Some of the faces seemed to hold expressions that brought up incredibly remote recollections; others were utterly alien.

到達所謂的目的地時，大概已經過了兩個多小時，我看到一座爬滿藤蔓的肅穆城堡矗立在茂密叢林之中；一股令人抓狂的熟悉感但又滿載着令人費解的陌生感向我席捲而來。護城河已經被填平了，而我熟悉的塔樓也有一部分被拆除了，與此同時，新修建的側翼讓我這個旁觀者感到迷惑。但最令我關注和喜悅的，是那些敞開的窗子——閃耀着華麗的光芒，並傳出屋內慶祝歡愉盛宴發出的聲音。我走向其中一處，並朝屋中望去，看到一羣身着奇裝異服的人們正在歡快地玩樂，一起興奮地交談着。可能是由於我之前從未聽過人們講話，因此只能大概猜猜他們在說些什麼。其中某些面孔的神態似乎喚起了我一些極爲久遠的回憶；而其他面孔看起來則完全陌生。

I now stepped through the low window into the brilliantly lighted room, stepping as I did so from my single bright moment of hope to my blackest convulsion of despair and realisation. The nightmare was quick to come; for as I entered, there occurred immediately one of the most terrifying demonstrations I had ever conceived. Scarcely had I crossed the sill when there descended upon the whole company a sudden and unheralded fear of hideous intensity, distorting every face and evoking the most horrible screams from nearly every throat. Flight was universal, and in the clamour and panic several fell in a swoon and were dragged away by their madly fleeing companions. Many covered their eyes with their hands, and plunged blindly and awkwardly in their race to escape; overturning furniture and stumbling against the walls before they managed to reach one of the many doors.

我跨過窗口，走進那敞亮的房間，可是這跨越卻將我從最明亮的時刻拉進最黑暗的絕望和現實之中。噩夢很快降臨，正當我踏入房間時，一種我從未想象過的、最恐懼的景象突然爆發了。隨着我跨過窗臺，突如其來的濃重恐懼籠罩了房間，每一張面孔都在瘋狂地扭曲，每一副喉嚨都在驚恐地尖叫。逃跑顯得再正常不過，於慌亂和喧鬧之中，甚至有幾個人跌倒昏迷，並被其他瘋狂奔逃的同伴拖走。還有很多人用手捂住眼睛，然後盲目又笨拙地亂竄；打翻傢俱，撞上壁牆，直到他們終於到達其中一處出口。

The cries were shocking; and as I stood in the brilliant apartment alone and dazed, listening to their vanishing echoes, I trembled at the thought of what might be lurking near me unseen. At a casual inspection the room seemed deserted, but when I moved toward one of the alcoves I thought I detected a presence there—a hint of motion beyond the golden-arched doorway leading to another and somewhat similar room. As I approached the arch I began to perceive the presence more clearly; and then, with the first and last sound I ever uttered—a ghastly ululation that revolted me almost as poignantly as its noxious cause—I beheld in full, frightful vividness the inconceivable, indescribable, and unmentionable monstrosity which had by its simple appearance changed a merry company to a herd of delirious fugitives.

哭喊聲震耳欲聾，而我獨自一人茫然地站在這華麗的屋中，聽着他們漸遠的回聲，意識到自己身邊可能潛藏着的無形恐怖，我不禁戰慄起來。放眼望去，整個房間已經空無一人，但當我朝着一處壁龕走去時，卻發現——在那通向另一個房間的金色拱門之外，似乎有什麼動靜。接近拱門時，我更明確地覺察到了“它”的存在；就在這時，我首次也是最後一次發出了聲音——一種令人毛骨悚然的嚎叫聲，正如那令我嚎叫的穢源一樣噁心——以一種極其可怕的生動感呈現在我面前的，是那令人難以置信的、難以描述又難以名狀的醜陋怪物，正是它嚇得那些快樂的人們開始狂亂逃竄，僅僅靠着其駭人的外表。

I cannot even hint what it was like, for it was a compound of all that is unclean, uncanny, unwelcome, abnormal, and detestable. It was the ghoulish shade of decay, antiquity, and desolation; the putrid, dripping eidolon of unwholesome revelation; the awful baring of that which the merciful earth should always hide. God knows it was not of this world—or no longer of this world—yet to my horror I saw in its eaten-away and bone-revealing outlines a leering, abhorrent travesty on the human shape; and in its mouldy, disintegrating apparel an unspeakable quality that chilled me even more.

我甚至無法描述它的樣子，因爲它就像是由這世間所有的不潔、怪異、不受歡迎的可怖畸形之物混合而成。那是一個如食屍鬼一般的軀體，渾身籠罩着腐朽，古老和荒涼的氣息；身上的糜爛腐肉溼黏地流着膿水，令人作嘔；仁慈的大地應該將之埋藏，永不現世。上帝知道它不屬於這個世界——至少已經不再屬於這個世界了——因爲令我恐懼的是，它那已被啃食得露出白骨的身軀，竟如此荒唐地呈現着人的輪廓；而其身上黴跡斑斑的破碎衣物所展露出的難以辨識的質地更是讓我渾身發涼。

I was almost paralysed, but not too much so to make a feeble effort toward flight; a backward stumble which failed to break the spell in which the nameless, voiceless monster held me. My eyes, bewitched by the glassy orbs which stared loathsomely into them, refused to close; though they were mercifully blurred, and shewed the terrible object but indistinctly after the first shock. I tried to raise my hand to shut out the sight, yet so stunned were my nerves that my arm could not fully obey my will. The attempt, however, was enough to disturb my balance; so that I had to stagger forward several steps to avoid falling. As I did so I became suddenly and agonisingly aware of the nearness of the carrion thing, whose hideous hollow breathing I half fancied I could hear. Nearly mad, I found myself yet able to throw out a hand to ward off the foetid apparition which pressed so close; when in one cataclysmic second of cosmic nightmarishness and hellish accident my fingers touched the rotting outstretched paw of the monster beneath the golden arch.

我幾乎快要癱瘓了，還好依然能夠哆嗦着試圖逃離；蹣跚後退並沒有打破那無名無聲怪物施在我身上的魔咒。我的雙眼，像着了魔一般緊緊盯着那對玻璃一樣的眼球，不肯閉上；不過幸運的是，出於剛纔的驚恐，我眼前已經變得有些模糊了，只能大概看見那恐怖的生物。我抬起手，試圖擋住視線，但備受震懾的神經讓我的手臂不聽使喚。不過，這番嘗試卻足以打破平衡；因此我不受控制地向前踉蹌了幾步。這下子那腐爛的怪物就近在咫尺了！我甚至覺得自己聽到了從那讓人發毛的空洞中傳來的呼吸聲。這一切簡直快讓我瘋掉了，這時我意識到自己還可以伸出手來抵擋一下那惡臭熏天的鬼怪；於是在那一剎那，簡直像在無盡夢魘和地獄災變中一般，我的手指觸碰到了那怪物從金色拱門下朝我伸出的腐爛爪子。

I did not shriek, but all the fiendish ghouls that ride the night-wind shrieked for me as in that same second there crashed down upon my mind a single and fleeting avalanche of soul-annihilating memory. I knew in that second all that had been; I remembered beyond the frightful castle and the trees, and recognised the altered edifice in which I now stood; I recognised, most terrible of all, the unholy abomination that stood leering before me as I withdrew my sullied fingers from its own.

我沒有尖叫，但所有隨風穿行的食屍惡鬼都在爲我尖叫，那一刻，那些塵封已久的記憶如雪崩般狠狠在我腦海中迸發開來。我知道了曾經發生的一切；憶起了城堡和叢林之外的景象，也認出了自己所處的建築；隨着我抽回自己骯髒的手指，我意識到，最爲恐怖的，是面前這正邪惡地凝視着我的不潔之物。

But in the cosmos there is balm as well as bitterness, and that balm is nepenthe. In the supreme horror of that second I forgot what had horrified me, and the burst of black memory vanished in a chaos of echoing images. In a dream I fled from that haunted and accursed pile, and ran swiftly and silently in the moonlight. When I returned to the churchyard place of marble and went down the steps I found the stone trap-door immovable; but I was not sorry, for I had hated the antique castle and the trees. Now I ride with the mocking and friendly ghouls on the night-wind, and play by day amongst the catacombs of Nephren-Ka in the sealed and unknown valley of Hadoth by the Nile. I know that light is not for me, save that of the moon over the rock tombs of Neb, nor any gaiety save the unnamed feasts of Nitokris beneath the Great Pyramid; yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage.

在這宇宙中伴隨着痛苦的，是慰藉，而那慰藉正是遺忘。在極度的恐懼中，我忘卻了令我恐懼的源頭，那突然爆發的黑暗回憶，也逐漸消散，成爲了一些時常閃過的混亂畫面。在半夢半醒中，我逃離了那片鬧鬼的、受詛咒的建築，然後在月光籠罩之下，迅速而無聲地奔跑。當我返回大理石教堂遮掩下的墓地，走下臺階時，發現地上的石板門已經無法打開了，對此我並不遺憾，因爲我早已厭煩了那古舊的城堡和樹林。如今我和那些喜歡嘲弄但也對我很友好的食屍鬼們一同駕着夜風前行，並在白天前往尼羅河邊鮮爲人知的哈多斯山谷，玩樂於涅弗倫·卡的地下墓穴中。我知道那月光不是爲我而明，而是爲了照耀奈布石冢，還有大金字塔下的歡樂，也是由於尼托克莉斯的無名盛宴，而非爲我準備；不過，在這份新奇的狂野與自由中，我甚至還頗爲感謝自己異鄉人身份所帶來的苦痛。

For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men. This I have known ever since I stretched out my fingers to the abomination within that great gilded frame; stretched out my fingers and touched a cold and unyielding surface of polished glass.

遺忘已經使我平靜下來，但我從始至終都清楚，在這個時代、以及那些依然是人類的存在當中，我只是一個陌生的異鄉人。自我在黃金拱門之下，從那可憎之物身旁抽回手指開始，我就一直清楚着：那天，我伸出手指所觸碰到的，是一塊光滑潔淨，冰冷堅實的鏡子表面。

結語

1926年前後的這段時間裏，洛夫克拉夫特創造了不少包含食屍鬼，甚至是以食屍鬼爲主要內容的作品，《異鄉人》當中的主角其實就是一隻食屍鬼，它是很久很久以前生活在城堡裏的人，也是文中那些作樂的人們中某些人的祖先，以某種形式轉化爲食屍鬼後，主角由於部分失憶（可能是因爲太古老了）而誤以爲自己是年輕人類，最終意識到真相的它，心中該有多麼複雜？一個真真正正的異鄉人......

儘管本文簡短且並不算是足夠優秀（事實上洛夫克拉夫特的作品確實是公認的枯燥單調，文筆也不怎麼好，尤其是大量重複、無法生動描繪景象的形容詞和長難句，讓人不得不耐着性子才能讀下去。不過洛氏作品主要的亮點在於劇情和對情節的展開方式，所以文筆方面還是不要過於追究啦），但讀完後依舊讓我百感交集。我的童年也對我的性格造成了極大且不可逆轉的影響，無論是內心的寂寥還是客居他鄉的陌生，都讓我以一種非常矛盾的心態對帶着自己和他人，雖然今年已經23歲了，可那種恐懼着又渴求着孤獨的狀態和十多年前喜歡在暴雨天縮在角落看書的呆瓜小孩並沒有什麼不同。

從上一篇文章過後拖了好幾天，準備面試加上疫情突發導致被困小區，現在終於清零了，清零的是冰箱。

希望盒友們喜歡，有什麼建議和意見儘管提在評論區裏，謝謝大家！下一期開始《克蘇魯的呼喚》！#哈克大神創作者徵集活動#