讓陌生人相愛的36個問題

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003

(第一個鏈接這篇紐約時報的文章沒有paywall)以下不是全文翻譯,我精簡了內容,以及加入了一些幫助閱讀的解釋。第二個鏈接是36個問題那篇原版研究的文獻。

在這篇叫“To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”(就是字面意思)的文章裏,提到了心理學家Arthur Aron做過的一個一個親密關係實驗。研究的是兩個陌生人通過一系列私人問題加快關係發展。這36個問題是一問一答的形式做的,A問,B首先回答,A隨後回答;然後繼續下一個問題,B問,A首先回答,B隨後回答。36個問題分成三組,其中第一組是相對簡單一些的問題,第二組和第三組的問題都有一些深度,更加“私人”一些的問題。

看到下面以後你會感覺到第二組和第三組問題都可以發散下去,形成有深度的對話。所以完全有可能問着問着直接跑題,自然而然地進入對話中。

(這個實驗還有第二部分,讓兩個陌生人對視四分鐘)

第一組:

1. 如果有得選,你最想和世界上什麼人共進晚餐?(Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?)

2. 你想成名麼?以何種方式?(Would you like to be famous? In what way?)

3. 你在打電話之前會演練一遍要說的話麼?爲什麼?(Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?)

4. 如果你活到九十歲,然後二選一,能選個30歲的身體或者30歲的大腦,你會選哪個?(Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?)

5. 描述一下對你來說“完美”的一天(What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?)

6. 你有關於自己如何死亡的預感麼(Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?)

7. 你上一次自己唱歌或者唱給別人是什麼時候?(When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?)

8. 說出三件你和你的搭檔(就是和你一起做這36個對話的人,以下出現partner的問題同理)的三個共同點(Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.)

9. 你最感激生活中的什麼事情?(For what in your life do you feel most grateful?)

10. 如果你能改變成長經歷中的一方面,你會選什麼?(If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?)

11. 用四分鐘給你的夥伴講一下你的人生經歷,越詳細越好(Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.)

12.. 如果你明天醒來能獲得一個能力,你會選什麼?(If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?)

第二組:

13. 如果一個水晶球能告訴你關於你的人生或者你的未來或者隨便什麼東西,你會選擇問什麼?(If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?)

14. 你有什麼長久以來一直惦記想做的事情麼,爲什麼沒有去做?(Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?)

15. 你人生中最大的成就是什麼?(What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?)

16. 你最在乎友誼中的哪方面?(What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?)

17. 你最珍貴的回憶是什麼?(What is your most treasured memory?)

18. 你最糟糕的回憶是什麼?(What is your most terrible memory?)

19. 如果你知道你活不過接下來一年,你會改變你生活中的哪方面?爲什麼?(If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?)

20. 友誼對你來說意味着什麼(What does friendship mean to you?)

21. 愛和感情在你生活中佔據何種位置?(What roles do love and affection play in your life?)

22. 和你的搭檔分享你認爲的對方的優點,說出五個(Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.)

23. 你和家人的關係多近,你覺得你的童年比大多人要幸福麼?(How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?)

24. 如何描述你和你母親的關係(How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?)

第三組

25. 用“我們”(這裏指你和你的搭檔)陳述三件事,比如“我們都在這個房間裏,感覺到.....(”Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “)

26. 填完這句句子,“我希望能和某人分享說.....” (Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ...“)

27. 如果你和你的搭檔要成爲關係很近的好朋友,請和他/她分享一件對方應該知道的(關於你的)事(If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.)

28. 告訴你搭檔你喜歡他/她的哪方面:誠實回答,說出你不會和剛遇見的陌生人說的話。(Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.)

29. 和你的搭檔分享一件你碰到的尷尬事情(Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.)

30. 你上次在別人面前哭或者自己一個人哭是什麼時候?(When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?)

31. 告訴你的搭檔你已經喜歡他/她的哪方面(When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 這個好像和28重合了)

32. 有什麼對你來說太嚴肅不能拿來開玩笑的事情(What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?)。

33. 如果你活不過今晚,也沒有機會和其他人再說什麼話,你最後悔沒有告訴某人的是什麼事情?爲什麼沒說出口?(If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?)

34. 你家着火,全部家當都在裏面。搶救出你愛的人和你的寵物以後,你還能跑回去拿一件東西,你會選擇什麼?(Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?)

35. 你全家所有人中,誰的死亡會讓你最傷心?(Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?)

36. 分享一個私人問題,讓你的搭檔來建議說他/她會如何處理。然後讓你搭檔反饋你對你選擇的這個問題看上去是什麼感覺。(Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.)

以上這些就是在1995年的原版實驗中問的問題,57%的參與者(課堂學生)有至少一次後續交流,35%之後·和搭檔一起做過一件事,37%在之後的課上坐在一起。

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